So I was talking to my Mom yesterday when this idea hit me. An exemplary citizen, my Mom, and quite possibly the most conscientious person walking the planet. As such, I draw a lot of my strength and inspiration from her. Let's face it, resiliency is never easy, especially when it comes to growing older, learning from mistakes and trying to become a better person. Stiffness is much easier. Rigidity comes naturally. Doing nothing is much easier than bending over backwards.
To my point, my Mom has the joyful task of grandmothering my 4 month old niece lots of weekends this summer. She and Quincy Rose have spent some really good time together (I'm jealous) and you can literally hear it in her voice. It gives her deep and sweet peace to be in the same room with her newest grandchild. My brother and his wife went through a lot to get to this point in their lives. They have been so patient and determined, and they are excellent parents in complete love with their daughter. They are lucky to have a grandmother nearby to free them up...and I know they appreciate that fact. But it takes a lot to commit your time every weekend. It takes a lot and she doesn't feel even slightly obligated. She'd have it no other way than to pack a suitcase and drive an hour there and back through 1-25 traffic. Sounds like a standard grandparent, but not everyone is like that.
You have to have giving in your blood. You have to work at it for a long time for it to seep into your veins. It gets easier over time. You get good at giving it all away and not feeling drained. You get back far more (silently) than you give. You don't get giving in your blood without resiliency and practice. You gotta do a lotta back bends.
As my Mom is telling me about her summer of repeated two and three day stays in Denver to watch QR, I'm wondering how impactful that intentional and quiet donation of your time could be if we re-directed it around our neighborhoods, workplaces and to strangers.
You and I do not, as a rule, give enough of ourselves to others. You and I are selfish.
I know there have been countless national efforts to stir people to donate time or money to a charitable cause. I'm not talking about the (wonderful) Salvation Army or (fantastic) Habitat for Humanity. I'm not talking about organized volunteerism, not referring to any activity that yields you a T-shirt or a certificate of completion. I'm not even talking about Random Acts of Kindness. Those are terrific, but people could be overflowing with R.A.K if they were raised up right and taught to open doors for people and say "Bless you" to a sneezing stranger in the grocery store. Teach your kids to do that, please.
I'm talking about intentionally and specifically giving of yourself, your time and your effort all day every day on a conscious and subconscious level to people around you who are capable of doing the same once they see you mean it and it makes you feel good. I guess I'm talking about collectivism. And no, I'm not suggesting socialism.
I think we can live in this country and have progressive and capitalistic blood in our veins and still give it all away every single day...knowing that others would be giving it back in our direction. It would be hard work. It would require serious effort. It would be risky. (See Our Founding Fathers, Pioneers). And don't think I mean give away your fortune each night after a hard day of work. I don't think you should deposit your paycheck into a stranger's checking account. Moreover, I'm not advocating making the same deposit into a panhandling cup. But you owe somebody thirty minutes a day. After that, you can do what you want. If you still feel good giving after an hour, keep going.
I see it as three tiered, this notion of collectivism. On level one you've got Random Acts of Kindness. RAK's are quick, on the spot, and they feel good. Good to give and get. Few and far between sometimes, but evident in our culture and recognized when you give one or get one as going out of your way. On level three, you have full time selfless souls like Mother Theresa and a relatively short list of people who exclusively give without ever needing to receive. Most on this list refuse to receive anything in return for their full donation of self. So like any pyramid, there are very few people at the top, tons of people struggling to get up to and stay in the middle, and too many people piling up at the bottom doing little or nothing. TAG's are the way to get out of the cluttered basement. TAG's are your ticket to level two. Eat it, Abraham Mazlow.
I challenge you to commit a Targeted Act of Giving. It probably takes less than thirty minutes out of your life. TAG a person and keep giving to them unrelentingly and never ever question if they pass the TAG along. Intend to do all this silently and without them noticing. Trust that they will; like that insurance commercial where people see a guy hold the elevator open for a lady and then the lady from the elevator subconsciously passes on the random act of kindness and the world becomes more responsible...Except you do it on purpose. With all your heart and without expecting anything in return.
I can't tell you what your TAG is going to be. It would kill the spirit to try to list some ideas of what I think you might do, and I won't bore you with what I intend to do (or keep doing). But if you're having a hard time imagining what I'm suggesting, walk outside and look around you. Do you have a neighbor that could use some help with cleaning their gutters? Do you have a ladder and a free hour?
Go to work and look at your office mates. Does someone need an ear because they are having a really rough time with a spouse? Do you have an ear and ten minutes? Someone need $50 to get them through to payday? Don't expect it back, and put it in an unmarked envelope discreetly in their desk when they aren't looking.
Imagine your family tree as a giant mural...I can almost guarantee you that a phone call for no reason to someone on that tree would do some good.
Keep it going. Forge and don't expect thank you cards. Move on to giving to people who may not need anything. Be a pioneer about it. Give to those close to you...your friends, spouse or kids. Give them your time and energy. TAG them and see how they change. And be prepared to receive. Be prepared for people to return the giving in your direction. Accept it wholeheartedly and without guilt. You're "it" again, brothers and sisters.
Being "it" sucks, right? Not really. It is hard work and it means you have to go after people and leave your comfort zone. It means you feel alone, too. But if you smile, being "it" keeps the game going, and people keep playing.
Enough blabber. I got stuff to do.
I'm "it".
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