Sell your Garage.

In 2003 I went to this really cool store and bought this really cool thing for someone I love a really lot. I gave it to them and they really loved it and it was really cool and soon began collecting dust in my house.

Then, in 2007, I found it again and we reminisced about how cool this thing was and even spent a couple of hours looking at it and doing cool things with it.

In 2008, after I dusted it off for the 22nd time, I started not to like this really cool thing. In fact, it became a really uncool thing. "Where the hell did I get this piece of crap?" I asked aloud to nobody. And nobody came to the rescue of this piece of crap, so it made it's way to my basement along with the other pieces of crap I never wanted throughout time. What a waste of crap those things were!

So it was, until I cleaned my piece of crap basement and found all this really cool stuff that people would love to pay me dearly for since logic dictated that, once, I loved all this cool crap and now it was time for someone else to shell out the big bucks for all this really cool, necessary crap!

The logical and cool solution: hold a really cool garage sale where cool people with big bucks could come to my cool sale and pay me big dough for all my cool stuff.

The realistic and actual outcome: hold a crappy sale in my lawn for people who already hold an advanced degree in taking my uncool crap from me for pennies on the dollar.

"How you all doin' today?" I would ask each group as they piled from the Sanford/Son-like jalopy...

"Fine. You got any silverware? Gold stuff? Anything gold?"

These folks know the value of a dollar, I surmise.

"Nope! Got a sweet lunch tray with the Fairly Odd Parents logo on it, though...and I paid about $15 for it a couple years ago...It can be yours for three bucks. Whaddya say?"

"I'll give you ten cents. Take it or leave it, dummy."

"Sold, to the nice lady who has me in a half-nelson!"

And so it went, endlessly screwed over of my least valuable possesions for seven hours.

Did I feel cheated? No. Why? Because I want this crap less than they do. And in the end, possession is 9/10ths of the law...and the law says I don't have to deal with it anymore.

Or ever pay retail for anything as long as I live.

I found some Future Letters...

May 10th, 2022.

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry that I've been so busy lately. I tried texting you the other day and your I-Top popped up and I could see that you and Dad were at the lake, putting in the dock. Tell Dad to move it a little to the south, since it looked like it was on the property line.

Your I-Top shot me another image of you making Dad a sandwich and it really made me homesick. I wish that work wasn't keeping me so busy, or I'd come to Okoboji with Jack and his wife over Memorial day to have a little quiet time. I heard they were expecting another baby, and I tried to text him, but he must have been too busy to reply. Ben stopped by the other day (well, he pic phoned me at breakfast, and with my new HD Pic phone, it felt like he was in my kitchen.) It's funny how much we look alike, now that we're grown .We both have your eyes and Dad's big jowels, though I admit that we have dimples that I never could explain. He's been really busy with Grad school and needed to vent a little. Getting a degree in Environmental Protectionism was his choice...who would have known that it would end up taking longer than getting your MD. I miss Law school when I hear him talk about the next big ice shelf redemption project he's working on. I hope they're successful or we'll all be living coastal like the Nevadans.

Maybe I can come to the lake this summer and bring the girl I've been telling you about. She's really sweet and I think you'll like her. She plays guitar and piano. Need I say more?

Well, you know me, I never get all mushy, but Happy Mother's day. I really miss you and I wish you could make me a grilled cheese sandwich and go for a bike ride like the old times. Maybe soon.

-Sam

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Mom-

Hi. School is rough. Three more semesters to go and I'll be done, thank goodness. Saving the planet is hard work, and its only getting tougher. Did you see on the news that the last piece of Florida went under the other day? That was a cool state a few years ago. Oh well, nothing lasts forever. Maybe I should have been an attorney like Sam? Nahh, I never could argue for hours just to win a discussion like he could. I had virtual breakfast with him the other day...it was nice. Technology sure makes it easier to be apart. Not sure that was ever the intention, but it's definitely the outcome. I have like nine girls calling me right now, and I'm doing my best to date them all. Can't focus on a relationship right now, so I hope you know I'm kidding.. :)

How's Dad? Did he get the dock in? His old back should be hiring that job out, but I know he's too cheap, so I'm sure you had to help. Tell him I am planning to come up next week after finals. I'm going to drive and bring my golf clubs. Is it true that you beat him the other day when you played nine holes? Wow, not working for the last 13 years has really sharpened your game.

Well, I miss you and I won't get all mushy like I usually do. You're the best Mom ever and remember: Have a great day.

Ben